”The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept, you open the door to change. That’s all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it’s something you allow.” ~ Will Garcia
I love Facebook. Among the endless game requests (which I hide), baby photos (which I adore) and rants (* to be discussed) I also find gems of inspiration like the quote above. It was posted by Chris Cade, a man who describes himself as a “reluctant hero” on a journey to empower others.
So Chris’s quote got me thinking about Facebook rants again. (My last blog was about one of my own Facebook rants – see Kardashian Krazy.) Facebook is a snapshot of life, so it’s no surprise that on any given day, you find complaints right alongside comments about how great life is.
Rants come and go like clouds passing over the sun. They aren’t exclusive to Facebook, rants happen everywhere. But when I read Chris Cade’s quote, it reminded me of something My Ladies always say, “Allow. Allow. Allow.” In fact, My Ladies begin most messages with the phrase: “Allow. Allow. Allow.”
Rants are the opposite of allowing. Rants are resistance in overdrive.
Somewhere along the way we get the message that the first step to changing something is resisting it. (“This shouldn’t be!”) We think accepting a situation is the same as “agreeing” with the situation. Neither is true.
Resisting a situation you want to change is like riding with the brakes on. You’re trying to move forward with one foot on the gas (“I want this!”) and the other on the brake (“I don’t want this!”). When you stop resisting and start allowing, you’re not agreeing, you’re just taking the brake off.
As Byron Katie (an expert in embracing reality) so beautifully put it, “Would you argue with a rain drop?” Sounds silly and most of us would answer no. But we do it all the time. (How many weather rants do you read on Facebook?). We argue with other parts of life all the time too.
For years I argued with the fact that I was a single mom. I didn’t want to be because I had planned my life differently. I married a man I loved deeply. We had two great kids and a beautiful home. Then wham! Life happened! I was 30 years old with no marriage and no job.
And I was miserable because I resisted. I resisted it every time I said, “This shouldn’t be… He should be… He shouldn’t be… Life should be… It’s not fair!“
As crazy as it sounds, it took me years to allow what had already happened. And until I allowed it, I suffered. Eventually, I fell in love with my single mom life. Nothing had changed. I was still living in the same place, I was still trying to make ends meet, raise two great kids and get them to soccer practice on time. I just stopped arguing with my life and fell in love with it.
I still resist parts of life, but now it takes me less time to catch myself. The beauty of it is, once I allow what’s already happening, I can take the next step and decide what I want now.
Thanks for the beautiful reminder Chris!